Read with me the Doreen’s story below:

”We lived in different cities.

Then he offered to fly me over to see him.

So I flew over and for the whole 2 weeks, he took me out to eat at the best local spots, introduced me to his friends as his girlfriend which got me excited. 

He showered me with flowers, never-ending compliments, and fun surprises

This is what I’ve been waiting for all my life.

He introduced me to his family.

I thought things were moving fast but I was just really excited. I was completely infatuated with him. 

He seemed like a nice, down-to-earth guy but a few things were unsettling.

And they were the red flags that I was too in love to notice .

The Red Flags 

One of the red flags was what he told me about his relationship with his previous girlfriend. 

According to him, every bad thing that happened in their relationship was because of her.  

He even told me they got into a fight where she slapped him.

So their relationship was definitely unhealthy.

But from the way that he said it, it seemed like it was only unhealthy because of her. So I didn’t think much of it.

The Abuse (Trigger warning)

The abuse started very playfully but sneaky.

Like making jokes about me, poking fun at me, light-hearted things couples do. 

Except it was all one-sided. When I tried to make fun of him, he didn’t like it. 

Later on, it moved to playfully undermining the progress I made. Playing blocking the doorway. 

Playfully locking me in the bathroom. Next thing I knew, he was playfully locking me out of my phone so I couldn’t leave. And then playfully yet forcefully having his way with me in bed. I remember being pinned down, and I couldn’t move my arms and my body. I never felt so weak and helpless in my life.

And I didn’t leave after that.

Mind you, in between his outbursts of abuse, he was, for the most part, attentive & caring. 

And I didn’t know abuse worked in cycles. 

And the more these cycles happened, the more I became attached to him and the more he held me emotionally captive. 

He was an expert at mind games, a master manipulator…….He twisted stories and turned things around until I felt guilty…….. I ended up apologizing for mistakes that were not mine

He knew how to whip my guilt conscience until I did things that he wanted me to do but I wasn’t interested in doing 

How dare I do something without his permission.  

He tells me what to do because apparently, I was doing everything wrong in my life. Every aspect of my life was actually wrong

And when I didn’t want to talk to him, he’d call and call until I answered. One time he even called me 50x straight. 

Whenever I confronted him, he either shut me down, told me it was my fault, or just didn’t say anything. And maybe it was my fault. Maybe I was just overthinking it or overreacting

He deflects every blame back to me. I felt like I was overly emotional, paranoid, stupid, or anything else that causes me to doubt myself.

I started making excuses for him.

When he tells me I’m too fat or too thin and what I should wear, I thought it only means he loves and cares about me.

He made me choose between him and my friends. My man was more important than a friend, so I would  pull away and disengage from my friendships.

One day I was scrolling through socials and saw a post about this book: Hidden Abuse.

I was curious, it drew me in…. I ended up buying it and OMG that’s when it clicked.

Up until this point, I never considered what I was going through as abuse. I thought an abused woman had bruises all over her body and I didn’t have any. 

But the book opened my eyes to some forms of abuse I didn’t even know existed. 

I wasn’t going crazy. I wasn’t overly sensitive. I wasn’t paranoid. I wasn’t dumb. I felt validated for the experience I went through. And I started to accept that everything that I thought was my fault, was never my fault to begin with.

Then the shame started. As a smart and successful woman, I never thought this would happen to me — and yet it did.

I couldn’t continue being in a relationship with an abusive person.

 Leaving that relationship was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. It took 9 exhausting months. 

I was so drained from the abuse that I didn’t have much strength to leave. I had already been so isolated from my friends and family 

And my self-esteem had been so broken down, I thought I’d be worse if I left. But I was suffering and I couldn’t take it anymore.

And the more I tried to leave, the more he sensed it, and the more he made sure I didn’t. 

He started apologizing, promising to take me out more and treat me better.  

He’ll say things like “I will kill myself if you leave’’

He just wanted me back under his control.”

Doreen’s story is what so many women go through. And just like Doreen, you don’t even know, you’re being abused.

Probably, because the abusive person didn’t beat or hit you.

And it’s not the woman’s fault, it’s not your fault.

These abusers are master manipulators.

They are so good at masking their abuse with kindness.

They also disguise their controlling behaviour as romantic gestures making it harder for you to notice what is happening.

Then you begin to make excuses for their abusive behaviors.

You start saying things like: 

“It’s my fault, I’m being emotional. He doesn’t mean any of the things he said. He’s just going through a lot. There must be something wrong with me. He’s just being funny…

And on and on, the excuses continue.

That’s why,hidden abuse has destroyed so many women.

It’s made so many women useless, some end up committing suicide, some start doing hard drugs trying to manage the pain they are going through…

The women become so damaged that they can’t accomplish their dreams.

I should know, this was my life too for over 15 years, before I broke free.

The scary part is, someone we know; our sister, daughter, friend,or colleague could be going through this hidden abuse without us knowing, because the abuser has isolated them to ensure that they are not close to anyone. After all, it’s easier to hunt down an isolated impala than when they are in a pack….

Also, you wouldn’t see any physical scars, or beatings on their body, so you think they’re okay.

But, they are dying inside, slowly. The poison, sorry, emotional abuse is gradually destroying them on the inside, and no one knows.

Do you know research from The Women Abuse Center has it that the scars from emotional abuse can be more deep and long-lasting than wounds from punches or slaps.

In fact, women who have experienced violence from a partner, report that the man’s emotional abuse is what is causing them the greatest harm.

That’s why after over 15 years of experiencing abuse myself, and over 5 years of time-consuming study & research, as well as therapy for myself  and counseling victims of abuse…

I’ve written a book that has helped so many women gain clarity and break free from abusive relationships.